I’m 33 years old, married for over ten years with no children (but considering it now). My wife and I have “good” jobs and generally a “normal and happy” life. Early into our lives together we agreed we wanted to own our home “out right” in pursuit of financial freedom. We accomplished this goal last month. While we’re excited, and it will relieve a portion of our monthly expenses, I’m shocked that neither on paper nor in my mind, do I feel any more freedom.

Signed,
“Searching for freedom”

Dear “Searching for freedom,”

Paying off your home is a worthy accomplishment and I acknowledge you for setting a lofty goal and accomplishing it. I also hear that it isn’t leading you to the proverbial “freedom” you thought it would.

Heres why: paying off your home doesn’t matter. Depending on the level attachment to your goal, this may sting a little.

Here’s my explanation:

Paying off your house is usually the result of goal-setting, hard work and perseverance. Those are notable. Also ask yourself, “are they purposeful?”

If your answer is yes, then I truly congratulate you. That means that you accomplished this goal with Awareness. You could say, you’re moving forward on both the “goal line” and the “soul line.”

If you don’t feel “freedom,” it could be because freedom is not a destination you arrive at after accomplishing something. Freedom doesn’t come with paying off a house, receiving a wedding ring, “VP” title or a Master’s Degree. True Freedom is a way of being. This is a common misunderstanding in “motivational” concepts and specifically related to financial freedom.

If you desire real freedom, my suggestion is to incorporate space into your life and allow your purpose to find you. Intellectually this may seem easier without the burden of a monthly mortgage payment but anybody can do this. Start with 15 minutes of quiet time in the morning and 15 more in the evening. In your early session, begin answering the question (to yourself) “who am I?” Allow feelings and thoughts about your true essence to come to you. How do you want to spend your days? With who? Doing what? Where? Making what contribution and to whom? In  your evening session I suggest meditating. If you’ve never done it, it is simply getting into the gap between your thoughts. It can be done anywhere, anytime and don’t get caught up in whatever pre-judgments pop into  your mind (To learn more, read Getting in the Gap by Dr. Wayne Dyer). When you are in the space away from your thinking mind, connected to your Higher Power. The combination of considering your most purposeful life and finding the space to quiet your thinking mind will support your desire for real freedom.

Share your story and ask for suggestions related to career, love, money, relationships, and/or spirituality. Each week I’ll feature your questions and my suggestions.

Submit Your Story to Corey

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IN THE SPIRIT OF CONVERSATION…

What comes to mind when you think of Mike Tyson? A warrior, fighter or perhaps a lunatic biting off part of Evander Holyfield’s ear during a boxing match in 1997? In a documentary released this year and during a recent interview with Oprah, Mike revealed another side of him – his awareness of himself.

After seeing the documentary about himself, and during an interview with the Associated Press, Mike said: “I never knew why I had the public opinion the way I did. Then, when I watch the movie, I get it. For the first time, I get it. I’m watching as a human being that’s very rational now. I say: ‘This guy’s so unpredictable. You don’t know if he’s going to take you out to dinner or stab you with a fork.’”

I can’t help but recall Abraham Maslow’s famous quote, “What is necessary to change a man is to change his awareness of himself.”

With Oprah, he shared about his childhood, his boxing career and his experience in prison following a rape conviction. He also opened up about the recent loss of his daughter Exodus. More notable than anything Mike said or did, was his Being. Mike answered questions sincerely, holding nothing back from fear of judgment. He admitted his original apology to Holyfield was not authentic and that “he wanted to have a conversation with Evander.” He openly confessed to an abusive relationship with first wife Robyn Givens. He also shared the fear he lived with since an early childhood experience where he knew something was wrong and then fought for the first time. A relevant example each of us could use to examine our own lives.

HOW IS THIS STORY RELEVANT TO THIS SITE?

Mike Tyson’s story demonstrates several principles related to awareness. His life is a significant example of the human experience and transformation. Mike shows us how understanding fear and resentments, revealing one’s self, making amends and living from truth are the process to uncovering it.

Similar to you and me, Mike has stories about being picked-on as a child. He was overweight and frequently bullied (yes Mike Tyson was bullied). His first fight was the result of another child killing one of his pigeons and Mike choosing into the dual after peer pressure. Most of us had experiences as children where our developing ego, or thinking mind, made an experience mean something far more than it appeared to our friends and parents. It may have seemed insignificant, but it was painful, embarrasing and nobody understood . Maybe you were laughed at during a school play, picked last for kickball or even beaten up? Whatever it was, your ego cleverly tricked you into believing you were less than or not good enough. Without being aware, you may have built significant portions of your life on this belief system. Mike Tyson built a career as a fighter on it.

This doesn’t take anything away from Mike Tyson as a professional boxer. It simply reveals the truth.

Tyson admits issues with addiction and participating in recovery programs. His amends were genuine and reminiscent of a twelve-step program. When you are able to identify the root cause of your anger and resentments, it highlights your character defects which are usually some variation of grandiosity, jealousy, greed and anger. This is often the beginning of awareness. Making authentic amends is invaluable and the only word I can use to describe it is love. I got from Mike that he was sincerely apologetic even though his words weren’t always clear. I recognized his Being.

Mike continued to reveal himself in every response to Oprah as he did in the documentary. Watch these videos and monitor your feelings when you hear him admit to contracting a sexually transmitted disease, abusing his x-wife and his continued challenges with his rage. See if you actually feel the apology as you listen to his story and revelation. Return here and tell us about your experience.

HOW IS THIS STORY RELEVENANT TO US?

Mike is committed to living truthfully which is based in awareness. He knows without awareness he could choose a behavior where he will “loose.” He said, “I want to be a winner.” Being a winner for him is staying in awareness and choosing powerfully to operate from a love rather than fear. This is the same choice you and I have every moment.

Tobacco-related diseases are ranked one of the biggest killers in the world. In the U.S. some 500,000 deaths per year are smoking-related. Wikipedia states, “Male and female smokers lose an average of 13.2 and 14.5 years of life, respectively.”

BLAH BLAH BLAH…I’VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE

If dying an early death isn’t enough for you, consider how annoying it is to others, or even worse…you are getting uglier, as judged by something called “smoker’s face.” Smoking constricts blood vessels in your skin and decreases the delivery of life-giving oxygen to this vital organ. The result is a smoker’s skin becomes more susceptible to wrinkling, otherwise known as “smoker’s face.” We’ve all seen them. You may be one of them.

BUT YOU ALWAYS SAY “DON’T WORRY WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME”

There was some sarcasm in my introduction. While nearly everybody seems to fear death or being judged “less than” by others, we freely choose into behaviors that we pretty much know will reduce the length of our life and contribute to us being less attractive. So don’t quit smoking!

GET EDUCATED, CHOOSE POWERFULLY, AND THEN TEACH CHOICE

Remember that as children we don’t originally know if smoking is harmful to us, or even what “harmful” means. As soon as we’re able to comprehend language we’re told by advertisers, and some adults, that smoking (and other habitual drug use) is cool or produces some desirable effect. At about that same time we’re also told not to smoke. This is analogous for so much confusion children experience watching adults and teachers.

All of us fall somewhere into that timeline. Some of us never smoked because we were taught it was a “bad habit.” I personally had to try it before choosing not to smoke simply because I didn’t like it. Thousands more quit smoking after becoming aware of the negative side effects. Some after short smoking careers and others after decades.

Once you are educated (which we all are eventually), choose powerfully and then teach new generations to make responsible choices. Instead of telling children “smoking is bad,” explain to them what it is, why people do it, and what some of the effects are. In today’s world, just send them to Wikipedia for a 10 minute history and and health lesson. At the same time you might get educated on the power of marketing and advertising and attempt to explain that to them too. If they can understand there are businesses making money from cigarettes by promoting them, even though there are proven, harmful side-effects, our children will be better equipped to make choices for themselves.

Side note: when your children begin to see the insanity of how we promote destructive substances and behaviors in the name of profit and greed, they will have more questions. Get educated and be courageous to have these conversations.

QUIT WHEN YOU’RE SICK OF BEING SICK

If you are a smoker and you don’t want to quit, don’t. Simply accept that you smoke and it’s a choice you make. If you’re a smoker that wants to quit, you will when you’re truly ready. If, and when, you are not satisfied with the net result of what you gain and loose from smoking, you will quit. I’m not saying that quitting a habituated behavior is easy, but I am saying that when you are sick of being sick, you will stop.

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